Entry #7 S2 | Lifetime Worth of Apologies Pt. 2

 Hello Captain,

Thank you sa blog mo at sa pangungulit mo sakin despite of me being so passive these days.

I just don't know what to do, what to think, what to feel anymore. Gusto ko na lang pumunta somewhere else na walang nakakakilala sakin and start over kasi hindi ko na alam talaga but I know ginagamit lang to sakin ng kaaway to distract me so thank you for pulling to back to the reality of God's promises. Hindi ko talaga alam ang gagawin ko if it's not you. I can confidently say that we are still in the center of God's will because of YOU, and your perseverance. You've been showing me the Corinthian's kind of love while I'm busy with my negative thoughts to even notice and appreciate. Alam ko naman pong maling mali ako and there's no good reason and excuse for it. I commit myself that we are in this together pero ako yung nang-iiwan :( sorry talaga.

I just hope and pray that the Lord continue to sustain you with the kind of love that comes from Him alone and He do the same with me kasabay ang pagbabago nya sa puso and pag break sa walls ko. You are now seeing the dusty and messy part of my mixed up personality, the very reason why ayoko nang makipagcommit kasi alam kong nakakasakit lang ako  :( but thank you for staying, understanding, pushing me, encouraging, hoping, waiting, protecting, caring and loving me. You've given me the most love I've ever have in a very short period of time, kahit pa sa pinaka weird na timing and circumstances kaya thank you, thank you. Hindi ko alam paano babawi sayo and hindi ko alam kung anong part pa ng buhay ko ang katanggap tanggap sayo but I will do my best to reciprocate your efforts, not because napipilitan ako but because I also what to give you the love that you deserve. I want to treat you like the king that you are so please give me chance po to make things right. I will do my best to make it up to you, sa tulong at biyaya ng Dyos.

May word actually ang Lord sakin and  after this wala na Syang sinabi but I guess, this is enough to stay and continue to fight.

2 Chronicles 32:7-8

7 “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or discouraged because of the king of Assyria and the vast army with him, for there is a greater power with us than with him.  

8 With him is only the arm of flesh, but with us is the Lord our God to help us and to fight our battles.” And the people gained confidence from what Hezekiah the king of Judah said.

Thank you for sharing the link about obeying your pastors and that's exactly my thoughts kaya nagkakagulo ang brain cells ko kasi hindi ko maipaliwanag sa sarili why I have to obey and at the same time ayokong maging matalino sa sarili kong karunungan haays but thank you!

You were, are and will always be special to me, ipakita ko man or not, but you have a special place in my life and my heart which I hope to keep for the rest of my eternal life.

Thank you, Captain! YOU ARE THE BEST!

ttyl!

xxJAS